Well...

As anyone who has checked in the last month, I've not written.

Am I going to keep this blog or not? That's the question. I don't know.

See, I started this blog to have a safe place to say what I needed to, without anyone knowing who I was. Teachers are not safe. I actually do have a regular blog, one with my picture, and one which any student who really wanted to, could find. I avoid speaking of school over there.

So, this blog.

At first, it was wonderful. A whole bunch of teachers were just like me, needing a place to talk or rant or recount the day.

Now, my life's become crazy busy. As I mentioned a month ago, a friend's cancer, my sister's new baby (I'm now an Aunt!), the extra class I'm teaching this year (so no prep period), and my Fulbright application have taken all my time and energy.

Oh yeah, about the Fulbright? I got my exchange packet 10 days ago.

I applied to the UK.

My exchange is in Hungary.

I'm not going.

My administration won't approve it because my exchange partner can't teach the same English classes I teach. Of course, it's more detailed than that, but basically, she majored in Theology and American Studies, and they want a degree in English, minimum.

So poo.

I will apply again next year, and make sure this time NOT to mark that little box "yes" that asks, "Would you be willing to consider other countries than the ones you have indicated?"

She's going to be let down too. I feel rotten, but I also question the Fulbright administrators. There is a lot of hoo ha about how they work so hard to make a good match, and yet nothing about this woman and I seem to be a good match.

She teaches at a very orthodox Catholic boarding school and I don't even go to church. Some of what she teaches is religion (not something I'd be able to do... I can just see it now..."well, what do you think? You know, the bible was written by men, and men make mistakes right? Don't think your religion is more important than someone else's..."

Yeah, wouldn't go over too well.

Plus, she has a husband and three kids, which means I'd have to give up my apartment, find them a place that would be willing to rent to them for only a year, and then find another apartment for myself when I return (since I don't need a place big enough for a family of five). I'd also have to help with the rent, since she makes significantly less than I do, and with the Fulbright, we'd both be collecting our salaries from our respective schools, not the host school.

Rent in my town? I checked yesterday. 3-bedroom apartments are between $2200 and $3000. So, I don't know, if even with my help, they could afford it here.

All of her extra-curricular activities have to do with her church and religion, and even today, although Easter vacation has officially started for them, the teachers are together for a "spiritual retreat."

No. I'm not going.

But still. It feels crummy to know I'm going to let her down.